


Lingering Pain

by LyriaBlackFrost



Series: Fic Requests [26]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: AU - Goro joins the team earlier, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25660168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyriaBlackFrost/pseuds/LyriaBlackFrost
Summary: Goro is afflicted by confusion in Mementos, turning against the ones he would never want to hurt.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Akechi Goro/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji
Series: Fic Requests [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1141385
Comments: 17
Kudos: 165





	Lingering Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by a cruel anon, thanks for the pain. :')
> 
> I hope you like it!

For a moment, everything was pure white inside Goro’s head. His senses were numbed, a distant and high pitched noise echoed in his ears while he blinked repeatedly, trying to make sense out of the distorted shapes around him. There were sounds… Voices? No… They were too monstrous to be human voices.

_A fight_ … That’s right, they were in the middle of a fight. They were attacked by a group of shadows in Mementos, and then he got hit. After that… He wasn’t sure.

Goro noticed something moving through the corner of his eye, bringing him back to the present. _A shadow_ … It was running in his direction. Goro’s heart jumped at the sight, and he called his persona, quickly casting Kougaon against that creature, making it let out a loud, anguished scream. The shadow struggled to stay on its feet, seeming disoriented after that bless attack. It raised its head to face Goro, who didn’t wait until it recovered to charge against it with his sword in hand. The shadow managed to avoid his weapon, stumbling back and away from Goro. Even wounded, it was still agile—physical attacks probably weren’t a good option.

With an annoyed click of his tongue, Goro called his persona once again. Bless attacks seemed to work well against that one, so he cast Kougaon a second time, hitting the shadow before it could run away, watching it fall on its hands and knees. The shadow let out a gargling sound, making a clear effort to get back on its feet. Before it could, Goro cast Kougaon once again, and, this time, the shadow tumbled on the ground, unable to keep moving.

_Was it dead?_ No… It skirmished and groaned in agony, but was certainly still alive. Goro’s magic was at its end, so he reached for his sword, raising it as he approached the shadow, ready to put an end to that miserable thing’s life before it could hurt any of them.

Goro was just a few steps away from it when another shadow entered his line of sight. He pointed his sword at it, but, instead of attacking him, it placed itself between Goro and the fallen shadow, shielding it with its body.

A faint warning went out in Goro’s brain, telling him that there was something strange about that, but he chose to ignore it. It wasn’t the first time he saw a shadow willing to take a hit for another one, especially if it was the one commanding it. Besides, he couldn’t afford to waste time thinking about it: in that place, a single second of hesitation could cost his own life—or that of someone important to him.

He raised his sword, bringing it down in the shadow’s direction, only giving it enough time to raise its arms in front of its head before the attack landed. As soon as his sword touched the distorted creature, a jolt of electricity ran through Goro’s body, making him instinctively jump back. That thing had an electric barrier around it… Attacking with his sword would be a bad idea.

Goro sheathed his sword, quickly pulling out his gun. Before he could even aim properly, the shadow ran in his direction, and Goro instinctively pulled the trigger, managing to hit it on its stomach. The shadow staggered, letting out a pained cry, and Goro used that chance to aim properly. To his surprise, however, the shadow didn’t try to avoid it, throwing its entire body against Goro, making both of them fall to the ground.

The shadow climbed on top of him, holding his arms against the ground while Goro struggled under it, trying to make it fall. The shadow grunted repeatedly, its strength overcoming Goro’s, no matter how much he tried to free himself. He wasn’t willing to give up, but his energy was already coming to an end. _Was no one going to help him? He was about to get killed by that thing!_

No, he couldn’t expect the others to come to his aid when they were also fighting for their lives. Using all of his remaining willpower, he abruptly shifted to the side, finally managing to make the shadow fall beside him. In a second, Goro got over that creature, pointing his gun at its face.

The battle would have ended there if he had pulled the trigger just a little faster, but that single second was enough to allow the shadow to grab his arm, making Goro shoot at the ground beside its head. Goro gritted his teeth, trying to aim at the shadow’s head while it fought back, letting out more of those deep, distorted noises.

_Just a little more,_ he told himself. _It’s almost over… You can’t let this end here._

With much effort, Goro finally managed to free himself from the shadow’s grasp, ready to pull that trigger and finish that disgusting creature once and for all.

_Crow…!_

Goro widened his eyes. He couldn’t move, his entire mind trying to understand how a shadow had managed to say that name. His hesitance was enough to give the shadow a chance to hit his arm, sending his gun flying, grabbing him by the wrists. _Shit… He had been careless._ He didn’t even need to look at the gun to know it was out of his reach… If at least he could reach his sword—

_Crow!_

Again, that name… Goro stopped fighting, looking at that strange shadow beneath him. Only then he noticed something unusual about it: it wasn’t trying to hurt him, its grip only strong enough to keep him from moving freely, but not to hurt. That warning that something was wrong came back to his mind, louder than ever—that couldn’t be a normal shadow.

_Crow… Crow, it’s me!_

The world seemed to get out of focus for a second, and Goro let out a pained grunt. _He knew that voice_. He knew it was impossible, but somehow…

_Goro!_

That name made something snap inside his head, making his vision go completely white for a second. When he was able to see again, reality seemed to have been cut in two different layers. In one, he was looking at a shadow’s grotesque features; in another, he was looking at Ryuji’s desperate face.

“Ryuji…?” muttered Goro.

“It’s me…” answered Ryuji. “Please… stop it…”

Goro couldn’t answer. He shut his eyes, a sharp pain taking his entire head. _What was happening? That made no sense… Why would Ryuji be there?_

“I can’t breathe…”

That frighteningly familiar voice made Goro open his eyes. The shadow was gone… Ryuji was the only one beneath him. He let go of Goro’s wrists, and, without wasting time, Goro got off him.

“What happened?” asked Goro.

But he didn’t need an answer to that. _Ryuji… The shadow…_ Goro widened his eyes, suddenly understanding what he had done.

“Did I…?”

Before he could finish that question, a small, pained sob left Ryuji’s mouth. He curled into a ball, pressing his stomach with a hand. His yellow glove was stained in dark red. The ground beneath him was covered in blood. Ryuji was bleeding… From a deep cut on his forearm and two smaller, round wounds on his torso. Goro’s entire body went cold: he was the one who did that.

That thought made everything crumble inside him, his mind struggling to function. _He needed to heal him…_ Goro reached for his pouch of items, trying to find anything he could use. _Shit, there was so much blood…_ Why didn’t he have any healing items left?

“Goro…”

He looked at Ryuji’s face, and it was enough for the tears to overcome him.

“I’m sorry…” he said. “I didn’t mean to… I’m—”

His voice failed him. He tried to move Ryuji’s hand away to look at his wounds, but Ryuji kept it in place.

“It’s alright,” he muttered.

Goro wanted to yell at him about how absurd those words were, but all that left his mouth was a loud sob. He didn’t know what to do—if Ryuji died there, it would be his fault.

He was so out of it that he didn’t notice Makoto’s presence next to him until she spoke.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

He didn’t know if she was trying to comfort him or Ryuji, but it didn’t matter. Ryuji allowed Makoto to move his hand away and see his wounds. She inhaled sharply, then, without wasting more time, cast Diarama. It seemed to do nothing at first, but soon the wounds started to close.

The rational part of Goro’s brain was nothing but grateful to her, but still, a bitter taste filled his mouth. He could do nothing to help… Ryuji didn’t even allow him to see his wounds. While he could understand the reasons why, he also felt like he had broken Ryuji’s trust the moment he turned against him. He closed his eyes, making an effort to push those thoughts away.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” asked Makoto in a gentle tone.

“No,” answered Ryuji. “How’s Joker?”

“Mona is taking care of him.”

That brief exchange made Goro open his eyes again, staring at them.

“Joker?” he repeated. “Did I attack him too?”

Makoto averted her gaze, and that was answer enough to him. Slowly, the pieces started to fall into place in Goro’s mind: that first shadow was Akira… He had attacked Akira thinking it was an enemy. Then, when Ryuji tried to stop him, Goro attacked him as well.

“I didn’t mean to…” he muttered. “I didn’t…”

“Hey…” Ryuji reached for his hand, gently covering it with his. “It wasn’t your fault.”

_But he knew it was_. Without thinking, Goro moved his hand away. He looked around, soon finding Morgana and Futaba close to a fallen Akira, while the rest of the group fought the few remaining shadows. He stood up, unable to look at Ryuji again, hesitating before approaching his other lover. Unlike Ryuji, Akira didn’t have any physical wounds, but he didn’t look much better: his skin was as white as chalk, his body trembled violently, and his loud and raspy breathing made it clear how much effort it took to do it. Goro crouched beside him, and, when Akira looked at his face, his expression was nothing but terrified. That reaction broke Goro’s heart.

“Joker, I…” What was he even supposed to say? “I’m sorry.”

His words made Akira relax, finally realizing that Goro wasn’t about to harm him again. He forced a smile, dismissing Goro’s words with a gesture of his hand.

“At least… you’re back to normal now…” he said in a weak voice. “That was a pretty bad timing, though… Arsene doesn’t do well with bless attacks.”

He didn’t say that in an accusatory tone, but it still hurt.

“I didn’t mean…”

“It was just a joke…” Akira added quickly, with a nervous laugh. “I know you didn’t…” He stopped talking, his face contorting into a grimace. “Sorry, everything is spinning right now. I think I’ll puke if I—”

He couldn’t even finish his sentence, covering his mouth in a useless attempt to stop himself from emptying his stomach on the ground. Futaba carefully rubbed his back.

“Hang in there, Joker,” said Morgana. “It’ll get better soon.”

The sound of Akira’s painful breaths made Goro stand up, stepping away from him.

_He could have killed them_ …

Those words wouldn’t leave his mind. Goro felt a hand on his back, turning to see Ryuji there, using Makoto’s shoulder as support. Against his better judgment, Goro placed an arm around his waist, helping him stand. Fear, guilt, relief… All those feelings had tangled up inside his chest, to the point he didn’t even know which one was stronger. Carefully, he helped Ryuji move close to Akira, whose pale face brightened a little upon seeing him. Futaba helped him sit, and, with Goro’s aid, Ryuji crouched beside him, placing a hand on his cheek.

“Are you okay?” asked Ryuji.

Akira nodded, then shut his eyes, throwing himself in Ryuji’s direction, burying his face on his shoulder. Ryuji pulled him closer, hugging him tightly against his chest. Goro had been so lost on his own guilt that he didn’t stop to consider how scared those two must have been for each other.

“We should go back for today,” said Makoto after a while, looking at them. “You two need to rest properly.”

“I agree,” said Morgana. “It was a close call.”

Goro stayed silent, that suffocating mess of feelings overcoming him again.

“I’m sorry.”

His voice made Ryuji and Akira look at him.

“It’s alright,” said Akira.

“Yeah,” agreed Ryuji. “It’s all over now.”

Despite their words, that painful guilt still lingered inside his chest. The thoughts of what could have happened if things had been just a little different still played on his mind, again and again. _He had been so close to killing them…_

“I’m really sorry,” he repeated.

Akira let out a heavy sigh.

“Crow, that’s enough,” he said.

“But I—”

“You heard me,” proceeded Akira. “This same thing happened to all of us before. No one here is blaming you for it.”

“That’s true,” agreed Futaba, without looking at Goro. “We know you didn’t want to hurt anyone. It was beyond your control.”

Her understanding words hurt him the most. Yet, Goro chose not to say a word, simply nodding in response. The rest of the group soon joined them, and, after making sure the three of them were fine, they got inside Morgana, leaving Mementos. Back in Shibuya, Akira and Ryuji leaned on Makoto and Yusuke for support as they walked, and—once again—that thought filled Goro’s mind: _he had broken their trust_.

“Aki…” said Ryuji after a while. “We should go to my home. You gotta rest, and the Leblanc won’t close anytime soon.”

“Thanks,” answered Akira. “I think I’ll do that.”

Then, to Goro’s surprise, Ryuji looked at him.

“You’re comin’ with us,” he said.

Goro widened his eyes, unsure of what to think of those words.

“Why?” he asked.

“Do I need a reason to be with my boyfriend?”

He didn’t respond, and Ryuji lowered his gaze.

“I just don’t wanna leave you alone like this,” he added in a lower voice.

Was he looking _that_ bad? Maybe he was getting worse at keeping a neutral face after being among people who knew his true self. He considered denying that offer, not wanting those two to worry about him when they should be taking care of themselves, but, as soon as he opened his mouth, Akira’s voice interrupted him.

“Good idea,” he said. “He looks terrible.”

“And so do you,” answered Ryuji with a tiny, playful smile.

“Thanks, you too.”

Their usual, playful banter made Goro’s chest feel just a bit lighter. Before he could stop himself, his answer left his mouth.

“Alright, then.”

They said their goodbyes to the rest of the group, then slowly made the already familiar way to Ryuji’s house. As soon as they got inside, they went to Ryuji’s bedroom, where Ryuji carefully helped Akira lie down on the bed, placing the pillow under his head and covering him with a blanket.

“Just rest for a while, okay?” he murmured, placing a kiss on Akira’s forehead.

“Okay.”

Goro looked at Ryuji, furrowing his brow.

“Shouldn’t you be resting too?” he asked, averting his gaze before adding: “You lost a lot of blood.”

“It got better after Makoto healed me,” he said. “And I’ve got stuff to do.”

_Please, don’t be worried about dinner…_ Before Goro could protest, Ryuji left the bedroom. After glancing at Akira to make sure everything was fine, Goro followed him to the living room.

“I’m serious,” he said. “Please, just… Just lie down a little. I can take care of the food.”

His words made Ryuji look at him with an amused smile.

“You?” he asked. “Nah, I don’t need anyone to set my kitchen on fire.”

“I’ll buy food for us,” clarified Goro.

That seemed to catch Ryuji’s attention.

“Your treat?” he asked.

“Of course. It’s the least I can do.”

Ryuji looked at him for a while, and Goro, still unable to meet his gaze, looked away.

“I wasn’t talkin’ about food, though,” said Ryuji.

Goro risked a glance at him, but Ryuji had already turned around, walking to the couch, taking a seat.

“Hey, babe…” he said. “Come here.”

He did as Ryuji said, sitting beside him. For a few seconds, both stayed silent.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” asked Ryuji.

Goro’s chest tightened at that question. He didn’t want to make Ryuji talk about that, but, before he could control himself, he was already speaking.

“Why aren’t you angry at me?” he asked in a low voice. “I almost killed you.”

“You didn’t know what you were doing.”

“But I still hurt you and Akira!” protested Goro, his words weighing in his chest. “I didn’t want to do it…”

“I know you didn’t.”

Ryuji turned his body to the side, with his back against the couch’s armrest. He gestured for Goro to come closer, and Goro obeyed, sitting between Ryuji’s legs, his back resting against his chest. Ryuji hugged his waist, holding him close.

“We’re both fine now,” he whispered. “I know it was scary, but nothin’ bad happened. I’m here, and Aki is sleepin’ in my bedroom. Everythin’ is fine.”

“But I can’t stop thinking about it… I was so close to…” Goro’s voice broke, the tears coming back to his eyes. “I should have realized something was wrong… I should have known.”

“There’s no way you could.”

“You didn’t even attack me!” Realizing he had raised his voice, Goro bit his lip, lowering his tone as he proceeded. “Even as a shadow, Akira seemed so confused after I attacked him… If I had thought just a little more…”

He stopped talking, frustrated at himself. Ryuji stayed silent for a while, thinking.

“You know that, if it was anyone else in your place, things would probably go the same way, right?” asked Ryuji. “We’re riskin’ our lives every time we go to that place… If we don’t fight back, shadows will kill us without even thinkin’ about it. We gotta attack them before they can hurt us, that’s just how it is.”

“I know…” admitted Goro. “But I should have known… I know you both. I should have recognized you.”

“Goro…” Ryuji’s serious voice grabbed his attention. “Would you be this hard on me, or Aki, if it was one of us in your place?”

He didn’t answer.

“You wouldn’t, would you?” insisted Ryuji.

Goro let out a heavy sigh.

“It’s different,” he said.

“How so?”

“You know how.”

“‘Cause you worked for Shido?”

That name made his stomach turn.

“I caused harm enough already,” muttered Goro.

“So, you feel you need to do better than us?” asked Ryuji. “To compensate, or somethin’?”

Once again, Ryuji managed to turn those feelings he couldn’t even begin to describe into words. He had been the first one to see through Goro’s facade months before, and it was thanks to his and Akira’s persistence in getting close to him that Goro managed to give up on his revenge. He shouldn’t be surprised that, out of all people, they would be the ones to understand him the best. He couldn’t answer, but Ryuji didn’t insist on it, gently caressing his hair.

“It’s over now,” he said. “You chose your side already. You don’t need to prove anythin’ to us anymore.”

“But I hurt so many people before…” Goro shut his eyes, making an effort to continue. “Even Futaba’s mother. And still, she didn’t blame me when I hurt you too.”

“‘Cause she knows you don’t wanna hurt people anymore. Especially us.”

Goro repeated those words in his mind, then turned his face to look at Ryuji.

“Do you still trust me?” he asked.

Ryuji offered him a slight smile, placing a brief kiss on his face.

“‘Course I do.”

“But what if I change my mind?” asked Goro. “If I betray you all and become someone like him?”

“You’re not Shido,” said Ryuji without hesitation. “There’s nothin’ of that man in you.”

He knew he should have expected that answer, but hearing it still made him feel lighter.

“I know,” he said.

“Then stop sayin’ that to yourself,” asked Ryuji.

“It’s just that…” Goro hesitated. “Sometimes I wonder if I caused more harm than good by joining you.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No, of course not.” Goro shook his head. “But I feel like a fraud by trying to play the hero like this.”

He felt Ryuji’s arms tightening around him.

“Goro…” said Ryuji. “You ain’t playin’ anything. You chose to help us. You chose to let go of your revenge an’ all that ‘cause you knew it was hurtin’ others. You could just let things keep goin’ like that, but you didn’t. You chose to tell us the truth and fight Shido, even if it was harder than just lettin’ things stay as they were.”

He gave Goro another kiss on his face.

“You’ve changed so much…” whispered Ryuji. “You did so many good things already. Don’t let somethin’ like this make you doubt yourself again.”

That was enough to make him start crying again.

“I know,” he muttered. “But when I realized I had hurt you and Akira, I…”

“I understand,” said Ryuji. “But we’re both fine now.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay,” assured Ryuji. “I know you’ve got a lot of bad stuff in your head ‘cause of this, but it really wasn’t your fault.”

Goro couldn’t hold back a low sob, and tried to dry his tears with his sleeve. Ryuji gently rocked their bodies back and forth, trying to calm him down.

“Everythin’ is fine now…” he said after a while. “We’re all fine.”

“I know,” answered Goro. “Sorry for… reacting like this.”

“No need to apologize. I understand.”

Ryuji touched his face, carefully making Goro look at him.

“Hey…” he whispered. “I love you, okay?”

A small smile took Goro’s lips, and he shook his head.

“You have such a bad taste…” he said.

“No way…” answered Ryuji. “I’ve got the sweetest boyfriends. Even if one of them is an annoyin’ little thing that won’t believe me when I tell him how good he is.”

Goro reached for Ryuji’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“It’s funny how you always make me feel better,” he said.

“That’s why I’m here.”

His smile widened at that answer, and he brought Ryuji’s hand to his lips, kissing it.

“I won’t disappoint you,” he whispered.

“I know you won’t.

Before Goro could say anything else, the sound of the door to Ryuji’s room opening called their attention. In a moment, Akira was entering the living room, squeezing his eyes shut and covering them with his hand.

“The lights are so bright in here…” he complained.

“Aki…” Ryuji’s sweet tone quickly gave place to an exasperated one. “You should be restin’ now.”

“But I was lonely,” protested Akira.

“You’re unbelievable.”

Ryuji sighed, lightly tapping Goro’s thigh. Goro moved away, giving him enough space to stand up, and watched as he walked to the light switch and turned the lights off.

“Better now?” he asked.

“Much better.”

Despite his tone, Ryuji had a fond smile on his lips when he approached Akira, cupping his face with both hands and kissing his forehead.

“You little vampire…” he said, then thought for a moment. “I’ll go take a quick shower, okay? Make Goro some company so he won’t feel lonely.”

“Leave it to me.”

Saying that, he walked to the couch, sitting next to Goro, looking at him with an amused smile.

“Ryuji told me to take care of you,” he said.

His playful, almost childish tone, made Goro return the smile.

“I appreciate the thought.” He took a better look at Akira’s face, glad to see it had recovered some of its color. “How are you feeling?”

“My head still hurts, but, other than that, I’m feeling better.”

Goro nodded. He stayed silent for a while, lost in thoughts. When he opened his mouth to speak again, Akira narrowed his eyes at him.

“You’re not going to apologize again, are you?” he asked.

His annoyed tone made Goro chuckle.

“You’ll get angry at me if I do,” he said.

“I’m glad you know it.”

Akira turned his body to the side, placing both legs over the armrest and lying back, with his head on Goro’s lap.

“Hey…” he said. “You know what you must do to compensate.”

Goro had a faint idea of what he had in mind.

“What?” he asked.

Akira showed him a happy grin.

“Give me attention.”

_Of course he would ask that_ … Goro sighed, trying to look more annoyed than he actually felt as he caressed Akira’s hair. His boyfriend let out a low, pleased sound, closing his eyes.

“Feels so good…”

Ryuji rejoined them a few minutes later, and the three moved to the bedroom, cuddling under the covers as they waited for their food to arrive. As he felt their warmth, those heavy feelings, little by little, left Goro’s chest, giving place to that comfortable peace he was starting to get used to.

If they were so willing to forgive his mistakes, maybe he too should make an effort to forgive himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!


End file.
